I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
