thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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