Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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