New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
