Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
