Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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