I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
