I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
