Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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