I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
