just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
