am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
