areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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