How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
