My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
