Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dear god my vagina.
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