Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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