I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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