When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
