I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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