Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
