he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
