is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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