I wish my penis had an off switch
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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