Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
