I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
