I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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