That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
