thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
