Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
