Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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