it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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