its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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