my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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