ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
