We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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