1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
