found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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