Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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