I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
