Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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