I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
