When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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