he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
