Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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