Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
