no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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