nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
