The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just want to make out with him forever
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
