I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
