it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
