That's intense
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
