Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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