He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
