yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
