You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
