i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize