the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can't turn off my feet"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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