in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
