I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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