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• (404): View more from Georgia

  My penis looks like a roll of pennies

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh. Ok. I get the hint.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day

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• (985): View more from Louisiana

  Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.

  (1-985): View more from Louisiana

  Do I have a choice?

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.

  Fav 13 3202 973

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• (845): View more from New York

  I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Who the fuck stole my fridge again

  Fav 1 42 38

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