in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
