Plan B is the new Plan A
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
