So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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