He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
