Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize