It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
