come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
