Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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