You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
