well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
