I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
