used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
