Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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