Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
