Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
