I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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