Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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