I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
