I feel like abortions should bother me more
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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