i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
