Can i not drive my cunt home
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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