Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I love you. Go after that dick
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
