A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
