he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
