if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
