As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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