Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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