took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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