Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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